Abby’s phone is not working. I went with her to the Verizon store last Thursday, and the nice young man helped us get a replacement phone, which was being overnighted to us by 8 pm Friday. Or that was the plan. Friday - no phone. Saturday - no phone. I checked with the store, who gave me a tracking number from UPS. I tracked it. It was in fact overnighted and got to Round Rock Friday morning, where it remained. On Sunday, with the phone still stay-cationing in Round Rock, we went back to the Verizon store. The nice young woman called UPS and talked with someone who told her it got left off the truck on Friday, and would definitely be delivered Monday (today). No word on why it didn’t make any trucks on Saturday or Sunday.
Today, no phone. UPS online still says “In transit. Please check back later for scheduled delivery.”
So I called UPS. The dude (he does not get “nice young man”) looked up the tracking number.
“Yeah, at this point UPS considers it ‘lost’.”
“I’m sorry, what? You no longer have the phone?”
“That is correct.”
“And what does that mean?”
“It’s lost.”
“And now what happens?”
“We will do an investigation.”
“So, when we talked with someone yesterday who said it was definitely coming today, that was a lie?”
“That individual didn’t have the most up-to-date information.”
“Like the website, which says it’s ‘In Transit’?”
“We now consider it lost.”
“And by we, you don’t include the website and automated tracking system?”
“Is there something else I can help you with?”
“Yes, you can answer me this. Were you ever going to let us know that you lost our package?”
“We aren’t saying we lost it, just that we consider it lost.”
“Fine (thought-bubble added “mother-f&#$er”), were you ever going to tell us you consider it lost?”
“Customers can track their packages on-Line. Typically, if it doesn’t arrive, they contact us.”
“So, no.”
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“Yes, one more thing. This whole interaction is making my head hurt. Can you give me your full name so that if I am diagnosed later with a brain tumor, I will know who to blame?”
Certainly, I likely won’t call back Joseph Krebs at UPS and tell him I do in fact have a brain tumor, but if anyone deserved the BT bomb, he did.
So I called Verizon customer assistance and the nice lady helped get things back on track. A phone (we think) is back on its way. I reserve the right to withdraw all the ‘nices’ if Verizon fucks us over.
Abby has been very zen. More so than a teenager without a phone should be. I asked her about this.
“You were on the phone for two hours dealing with this. I think you are annoyed enough for the both of us.”
Thank you, Joseph Krebs at UPS. You helped me be upset with something lower stakes than what I have generally been dealing with.
On a related note, but only because it involves a phone, I think my phone might be racist. My cousin Jared married a wonderful woman named Guo Jing. She made some homemade dumplings and Jared brought them over this past weekend, They were amazing.
I was texting with my aunt, and was telling her about the amazing dumplings. My phone would not let me type her name. It changed Guo to “Gun”, then to “You.” Then to “Duo.” Then to “GUI.” What the hell is GUI?
So, I ended up telling my aunt your son’s wife sent us some wonderful dumplings, which made it seem like I didn’t know her name. I explained how my phone would not let me type Guo, and she told me she also goes just by Jing.
So I tried. I got “King.” I got “Jong". Oh, for fuck’s sake. You change Jing to Jong?
I related this later to Jill, who told me I can turn off auto correct. Yes, but then how will Siri learn how not to be racist? Which the phone changed to “fascist.” Really, Siri? You’d rather be fascist?
Sigh.
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