A Sneak Peak of my Secret Turkey recipe

My Saturday ride included a handful of Mighty Fine friends (both fine people and teammates from Team Mighty Fine). Including  Laura, who works at HEB corporate, and Pam, who made an impassioned defense of the little HEB on the corner that could.  Or that at least can, sometimes.  I believe I was clear that I love HEB, but I do admit my annoyance is at the Spectrum dudes, and I promise to not be so hard on the corner HEB.

It was with that new attitude that I stopped by the store this evening.  First thing I notice - no Spectrum table next to the far door.  Perhaps the guy from Target relayed my concerns and HEB made a change!

Sadly, no.  I did my shopping clockwise, which is the scientifically proven most efficient way to shop.  This way, I end my trip in produce, so my freshly chosen produce gets home fastest (it’s just like getting it straight from the farm!  Ish).

But, dammit, Spectrum dudes weren’t gone, just moved to the middle of produce.  So now, instead of blocking Metamucil and generic Tylenol, products I only occasionally need, I have to pass them to get to the bananas.

A new strategy is in order.  Fortunately, I adapt quickly.
“Excuse me sir!”
“Oh, great. Can you tell me where the worshcheshire sauce is?  I’m sure I’m not spelling that correctly, but it shouldn’t matter because I’m actually asking you out loud.”
“Well, um...”
“What about ghee?  Or is it pronounced “jee”?  It’s Indian, and it’s like butter.  I’m pretty sure it’s jee.  I was going to go to the Asian market across the street, but thought I’d check here first.”
“Actually, sir...”
“And do you have any idea what to do with jackfruit?”  I keep buying it because it looks cool, but now I have three and have no idea if it’s even edible.”
“Actually sir, I don’t work here.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Eventually you will sucker in someone with crappy internet and cable.”

So now I am coming up with my list of interesting and/or obscure products to confound Spectrum dude.

Olive loaf?
That memory pill made from jellyfish?
Those chips made from crickets?

Suggestions welcome.