What I Learned at the Radiologist

I didn’t think I’d learn a lot at the radiologist yesterday, but I learned these seven things:
1) while I understand that allied medical professionals help make care more efficient, the physician assistant who kept calling herself “the Extender” made me think of the stretchy dude from the Fantastic 4
2) the expected hair loss on one side of my head may be temporary or it may be permanent. That was news to me.
3) should it be a permanent condition, I learned that Jill is strongly against me growing Flock of Seagulls hair and combing it over.  And she loved Flock of Seagulls.
4) I learned that when the Extender talked about 1% of people have uncommon side effects, which include many different things, from nausea to death, what I heard was that there is a 1% chance of death.  And I’m a numbers guy.
5) immediately following that, I learned that Jill thinks I overreact.
Me: “so there is a 1% chance of death?”
Jill: “nobody dies from radiation”
Me: “ever heard of Chernobyl? Or Hiroshima?”
Jill: “dude, they are not dropping a bomb on you.”
Extender: “ it’s important that we disclose all possible side effects.”
Me: “did radiation cause your rubbery limbs?”
6) I learned that the “mask” they are making for me is less lighthearted Mardi Gras and more mideaval strapping-down device to ensure I don’t move and accidentally irradiate important brain parts.
7) I learned that the radiation oncologist will take a week or more to build a detailed plan on what to attack, millimeter by millimeter.
8) and I realized that, for whatever reason, when I started to think about them missing the tumor ribbons and accidentally zapping something important, the very first thing I thought of was the possibility that the radiation might accidentally take out my memories of Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Kill the Wabbit!
9) and finally, I realize that this is more than seven things.