You Can’t Have Me Back

Something non-brain tumor and/or recovery related. (But quick update- still not really eating, a very amazing relative brought me something that has helped a little, bottomed out I hope at 195 and am slowly slowly slowly improving). But on to non-tumor related thing.

Got this in the mail today. Southern Living magazine wants me back. I’ve never subscribed to Southern Living magazine.  It’s one of those magazines I avoid even in the Supercuts, while waiting for my turn.  A six-year-old ESPN Magazine about the start of the 2013 NBA season is preferable, as is HairStyles Quarterly.  And now that I no longer spend any time in the Supercuts, I don’t even get to scorn it anymore.

So why does Southern Living magazine think I am a lapsed reader?  I don’t read anything in the genre - Racist Quarterly, MAGA Times, or Chicken Fried Everything.  Yes, I am from the south and live there, but I fall squarely in the Neil Young side of the musical feud, not the Leonard Skinnard side.  My only lapsed magazine is Wired, and they want me back as well.  I do note that the return address is Alabama, so maybe they sent out these notices to everyone they could before the big sharpie hurricane hit.

Or possibly, is this a veiled racist attempt to get me back to my southern roots?  As a proud, Southern, white male (maybe they didn’t quite get to the Jewish, progressive, Unitarian, social worker part).

Well, if the envelope didn’t definitively answer it’s own request - you never had me, and you will never get me back - the inside sealed the deal.  First line “Russell Smith - you qualify for our special Senior Savings rate.”

Oh, hell no.  To reiterate, ten cents off a bagel or a free extra southern pride magazine will never be worth the senior discount.  I do not want your magazine.  I do not want your senior discount.  Take me off your stupid list.  (And I hope you fared well from Hurricane Sharpie.)