Never Thought I'd Miss the Visual Hallucinations

So, side effects are annoying up to a point.  Once they build and don't diminish, they can get really ugly.

Case in point - my hunger has not returned at all after last week's chemo.  It hadn't been great before that, but the higher dose made me not want to eat anything.  And made everything taste more and more like straw.  One by one, the things I could eat fell away.  Nothing sounded good, which matched exactly with the fact that nothing tasted good.

I joked about my stupid goal of breaking 200 pounds.  Well, I'm at 196 and falling.  I'm losing about a pound a day.  At this rate, I'll be around zero by the end of March.

I have tried a few things.  One of the doctors (I'm too weak to even remember which), got me a prescription for Marinol (synthetic THC).  It has done absolutely nothing.  No munchies, no profound insights, zilch.  Sad!

Jill very gingerly recommended getting some Ensure.  I think she was worried that I might freak out about drinking an old person's drink.  I said bring it on.  I need some calories.  After a bit of reflection, I do worry that I will break down and join AARP after all, and that Depends aren't too far down my road.

But I need to eat, or drink, some meals.  So she got me some neopolitan ice cream flavored Ensures. Some strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate.  Things didn't start well.  I started with a strawberry.  If you have ever read "Fast Food Nation", you may remember that there is a section about the "flavoring industry" - a series of non-distinct chemical plants in New Jersey.  Strawberry Ensure tasted like it came directly from a vat in the middle of that.  And by the way, if you haven't read Fast Food Nation, you should.

Vanilla was a little bit better, but still kinda terrible.  Chocolate was the "winner" - it was better than horrible, even approaching drinkable.  I bought some actual neopolitan ice cream and plan to start making full-on Ensure milkshakes.  But not strawberry. I may never be able to eat something strawberry again.  Which is one of my fears.  Assuming my tastebuds ever do come back, and I am ever hungry again, there are so many things I bet I won't want to eat anymore.  But one step at a time.

I am forcing myself to eat.  Any amount of food does make me feel better, and I know that getting into a routine of, well, eating, is good for me long-term.  Profound, yes?  And not from the synthetic cannabinoid!

During all of this, a surprising number of friends and family members offered me specific things one could eat that might help with hunger.  With the failure of the marinol, I am retracting my polite declines of those offers.  Likely best if we left it there, but if you were one who a) has an idea of what I am saying, and 2) might have something that could be useful and 3) would be willing to part with said useful thing, text or call me.  Probably best to call.