I was looking through some old files, and found this letter I wrote to Alex when she was a senior in high school. The twins' English teacher asked for parents to write a letter of advice to their children they could read at the end of the semester. Since we have two, we divvied it up. I took Alex, Jill wrote to Abby. I am sure her letter was heartwwarming, lovely, and life affirming.
I wrote and sent this before the beginning of my "adventures" in May 2019. Should there be a need for material for a memorial, testimonial,obit, or the like, feel free to use any of this. And to be clear, nothing is more eminent than it was. But, you know, it's good to be prepared.
October 2018
Alex,
I thought about
trying to write this in iambic pentameter verse, but then realized I don’t even
entirely know what that means, so abandoned that idea.
Your teacher
asked that we write and share wisdom and advice for the future. So, without further ado about nothing (see
what I did there?), here you go:
Dad’s Advice to
Alex:
1) Embrace laughter.
Humor
will serve you well in life, in both the good and bad times. But there are also times when you need to put
it away. Experience will teach you when
those times are.
2) Show up.
Be
present, go to the rallies, listen actively, be there for the friends in need,
and for the celebrations. A large part of life is just showing up. Given enough time, since I am a numbers
person, I could likely calculate what part of life, on average, is showing up.
3) Explore the paths.
Whenever
you see an interesting path, be curious and see where it goes. It may not lead where you want to go, but it
may be something you didn’t even know you were interested in. Keep track of where you started from, and
turn-around if the path is dull. And
then explore the next one.
4) Focus on interests and not positions.
This
one has become part of my core philosophy.
Often we get stuck arguing about positions (specific ideas about how to
get something done). It will almost
always help to take a step back and focus on interests (what we want
accomplished). Usually, when we move off
the “how” and focus on the “what”, life works better.
5) Don’t nurture regret.
There
will always be things you wished you did or didn’t do, and it’s important to
learn from them. But also know that the
path you did take is just as interesting, if not more so. What could have been never will be, but what
is, is. (I don’t think I nailed the
landing on that last sentence).
And
finally, one I’m not so good at, but hope you will take to heart:
6) Stay in touch.
I’ve
lost touch with too many friends and acquaintances over the years through
inertia – the day-to-day laziness we all get.
I don’t call my parents or brother enough, and have lost track of good
friends I should’ve kept up with.
I
love you. I am enormously proud of
you. I am so excited for you as you head
toward the next chapter(s) of your life.
Dad
P.S. My smaller, more insignificant advice is on
the back.
Dad’s less important advice:
1) Fonts matter. Consider Garamond, or even better, Optima.
2) Always go to the funeral. Yes, I hope you don’t have to follow this
anytime soon, but I’m just planting the seed that you should never be too busy
to go to someone’s funeral. [Someone you
knew, not every funeral]
3) An outstanding pen can make a measurable
difference on your day.
4) People may say they aren’t “dog people”,
but anyone who is mean to dogs or professes to “hate” them should not be your
friend.
5) I would really appreciate a grandchild at
some point from one of my girls. I’m
fine with adopted, fostered, or whatever other variety there may be. No specific pressure on you, just putting it
out there into the world.
6) Love who you want to love, no matter what
anyone else says. As long as that person
is nice to you, I will love them too.
(perhaps this should have been on the front page).
7) Your relationship with your twin will ebb
and flow. Remember that she is the
person you will know longest in this world.
Try not to kill each other.
