Oh for fucking fuck's sake. Sometimes that just has to be said.
OK, colon cancer is a thing of the past. Fine. Great. So, of course, there had to be a next thing on my disease-merry-go-fucking round. I got a breakthrough CoVid case. Nothing too serious, but it brought a friend - a sinus infection. So, I lived in another part of the house, and got over what was actually pretty mild. Binge-watched Ted Lasso and Money Heist, so I used my time well. At the tail end of Covid, I kinda thought I got food poisoning. Very painful stomach and serious nausea.
But I still had some serious drugs I never used from post surgery, so a couple of high powered pain killers and a night of sleep, and I felt good as new. All of this had a vaguely deja vu feeling. But from Friday morning through the following Thursday, food poisoning was my self diagnosis. But then. Thursday night, unbelievable pain returned. Oh yes, I remember now. Jill took me to the hospital, where the doctor said it could be one of two things. My own diagnosis of a kidney stone, or a burst appendix. And while I am excited I got both the diagnosis and the treatment correct (kidney stone and serious painkillers), I am even more excited my brief hospital stay did not lead to appendix surgery.
But still, zero stars for kidney stone. My body makes tiny pebbles that cause unbeleivable pain. It's something that works itself out, unlike, say, any other of my maladies. It would be amazing if Brave Dr. Valliant, on my next visit, told me, you know, brain tumors just need to pass. Then you'll be fine. But alas, that is probably unlikely. Likely 98% not gonna happen.
I am worried about what is headed my way next. Jokingly, I've been telling people scurvy, both because it sounds like I've been on a pirate ship, and because I can proactively seek treatment with margaritas. I told this to my therapist (no, not Sanjeep - he went full-time into tech support and is now making $175k a year, and still able to bill Medicaid). My actual real therapist ssaid, "yeah, like scabies."
"Um, no. Scurvy. Like scurvy. You and I still have some work to do. I don't joke about scabies, leprosy, or even that disease that makes you tired all the time - was it "Roseanne Barr" syndrome? Or did that just make you casually rascist? Like having Gibson's Palsey makes you casually anti-Semitic.
Not Lyme disease. Not beriberi. Not river blindness. Not even gout. It's scurvy or nothing for me next, dammit.
Russell, I've had kidney stones and I've had natural childbirth, and the latter was by FAR easier and less painful than kidney stones--probably doesn't help to say that you now know pain greater than childbirth. You could wear that proudly, but in reality I hate that you have to deal with it at all! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteFor once, I can feel your pain. I've had them twice, and the only thing that took care of it was an infusion of morphine. Definitely not fun. I gotta say -- I'm sort of in awe, both for how many health conditions you've been dealing with and the way in which you've been coping with it all. On my way to watch the next episode of Only Murders in the Building. Steve Martin and Martin Short have done it again. You must watch it!
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