I am probably now less than a week out from starting radiation. I went in to get the mask made a couple of Fridays ago. The best description of the mask is a combination of a fencing mask and Han Solo stuck in carbonite. Though it's only a good description if you know the reference.
Jill: "I never watched Star Trek."
After the mask and the new 3-Tesla scan, the doctor (kinda lost track of which one, but I think he had "radiation" in his title), said he would take up to a week to build the precise map of where to focus the radiation during treatment. Please, take as much time as you need, doc.
Ever since he told me about the precision mapping process, I have been a bit obsessed with thinking about things I hope they don't actually irradiate out of my brain, as well as the things I'm fine with losing. And to be clear, no one has given me any indication that it works like this. At all. But still.
So, my lists.
What I am fine without:
1) my irrational anxiety about radiation taking out specific memories or skill sets
2) my irrational anxiety in general (leave me my rational anxiety. No one would recognize me if it all went away).
3) the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe. I watched all the movies, all the Netflix shows, even Agents of Shield. There is likely way too much MCU in there, and I'd be OK without it.
4) somewhat related to that - the finale of Game of Thrones. Not the series, which was amazing, just the finale. I'd like to go back to a place where there is a possibility of a non-stupid ending.
5) the last presidential election. I'm not saying I'd be OK losing the last two years, but I'd be OK not remembering the actual election. And maybe the few weeks that followed.
What I'd like to keep:
1) I feel like over the years I have acquired an impressive, intermediate knowledge of Microsoft Excel. I would hate to lose that.
2) My math skills in general. I often think in numbers. If I lost some of that, not sure what my brain would do when idle.
3) Cooking - both my skills and my enjoyment. If I stopped being able to cook, my value to the Smith household drops precipitously.
4) My ability to use ridiculous words in the correct context, like "precipitously". I won a $5 bet with the family the other day on the word "treacly." As in, "Ed Sheeran's songs are treacly."
I think that's about it. Oh, except:
5) my memories, my intellectual capabilities, my sense of humor, and pretty much everything else in there.
Take your time, doc.
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