Along with the physical changes, my digital life has been changing in ways subtle and glaring.
The ads that show up in my Facebook feed are much more cancer-y these days (cyber knife, all vegetable diets, supplements and the like).
My aol spam used to be: Silver Singles, Russian brides, Africans trying to get money out of failing states and/or to their rightful owner (being me), women who have seen my profile and want to "hook up" (I can only imagine it must be my LinkedIn profile), and keto-based diets (whatever the hell that means). Now, it's Silver Singles, Russian brides, Africans trying to send me money, networking naked women, keto-whatever-the-hell, and an occasional message about a "cancer diet." My guess is that it's to ward off or rid one of cancer, versus the diet that gives you cancer. Certainly, this is not a huge change in spam variety, but I have had this aol account for 35 years or so. It will take more than a brain tumor to significantly impact the volume and tenor of my aol spam. I'd get rid of the aol account, but it's the only way I can access Friendster and MySpace.
I have noticed a bunch of ads on television for prescription drugs, all telling me to "ask my doctor." To be fair, these might have been there already, but were more the background noise and punishment for watching things in real time. So, I started a list. There are so many things to ask my doctor about. When it got to about 30, I went in to check. My doctor (or more accurately my singer-songwriter PA), was very patient.
"No, you don't need that."
"Nope, not that one either."
"Definitely not that one."
"Never even heard of that."
"No."
"Do you think you might be pregnant?"
"Absolutely not on that one."
"Maybe you should DVR the television shows you want to watch and skip the commercials."
I even asked her about the drug that is supposed to help with memory issues (can't remember the name) that comes from "an ingredient originally found in jellyfish!" This particular drug (dang, what is it called?) is particularly proud of it's jellyfish origin. Their ads stirred some long-buried memory from a masters' level marketing class from ages ago. Throw in something scientific-sounding and people will think it has to be effective. That's why I buy only gas with Techron, buy only skincare products endorsed by the Ponds Institute, and stopped going to my dentist who was that one out of five who was pushing sugary gum. Turns out he was getting kickbacks from Wrigleys.
The thing that still eludes me, is why jellyfish? Is it because people associate them with power? These m-f's can sting you, even after they are dead! And if that is the case, I also would trust drugs that feature an ingredient "originally found in skunks." Talk about power even after death. One dead skunk can stink up a two-mile radius for weeks.
But alas, apparently I don't need the drug-whose-name-I-can't-remember or any other jellyfish-based drugs. And I looked, and so far, there are no skunk-based pharmaceuticals. Not to say there aren't skunks in the industry,
I also have been getting weird new spam phone calls. The are still spoofed to look a lot like my own number, but lately the voicemails they leave have been in Mandarin. That has to be something, right?
But the most egregious example that confirmed for me that my digital self now has a brain tumor was when my cousin texted me asking me to lunch next week. I responded, "Certainly. How about t..." My phone is ever helpful, suggesting words to use so I can save precious seconds. My phone's very first suggestion was "tumor." It thought I was writing "Certainly. How about tumor?" To be fair, the other two suggestions were Tuesday (where I was actually headed) and Thursday (which would have also been acceptable).
Et tu, Siri?
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